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About Deviant Artist Member Leonard Lawrence McCoyMale/United States Recent Activity
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Exam by Jerimin19

I always enjoy it when an artist offers critique. I'd do it myself, but it requires some kind of prerequisite which I don't have. With ...

You know, it's rare that I come across a stamp on dA that asks for critique. Most of them are expected to stand on their own. I'm going...


Because someone inconsiderate ruined it for everyone, mature art will no longer be posted on the No Z's Allowed club. Er, deviantART or whatever that logo means. There's two different websites I post this stuff to, and it never shows anything too inappropriate, go look for my name on places you'd expect guys burned by dA to run to.

Then again, maybe it's my own damn fault for outright calling a picture of 13 year olds porn... :P

Anyway, I'm gonna try and do some more posting of content. I hope to make this year stuffed with a lot more fics, micros, and other projects. I'm even gonna do some reviews.

Also, because my DVD player is malfunctioning, I may not be able to do in-depth reviews of movies like my Everything Wrong and a Few Things Right series. Thankfully, if it streams, I can take the piss out of it.

So, here's to the year of not making the same mistakes twice.
Dear deviantART:

I was doing a search one day for something. I found it hard to find things I knew existed for a particular character, knowing they existed, but could not find them.

Then I found out the reason why.

Apparently, your new Tags system has an adverse effect on older pictures. It deletes all the tags from an older picture, and since the system only searches based off tags, then it means that the artwork cannot be seen, even if it exists.

I have a suggestion: When I looked at an older piece of art, I had noticed the system had automatically put some tags in there based off the old ones. However, it did not put the tags in view. I had to retype them manually.

My suggestion is to automatically convert the old tags into hashtags. It would allow for all those older artworks to be seen.

I hope you consider this method. Thanks in advance.

Frequent Deviant,
An open letter to deviantART
UPDATE: Dear deviantART:
Thank you.

Dear fanbase:

Your pal,
How to Ask For Something on the Internet by Darkton93
How to Ask For Something on the Internet
Is there a franchise that's irrelevant whose main character is blue that hasn't had a new game for a while but receives plenty of references? Do you want more games to be made?

Is there a toy from a popular franchise about transforming robots that you want to be made, but a third party company has also done?

Is a company that makes fighting games Dead on Arrival because of bad costumes? Do you want more of a specific kind of costume to be made instead?

Is a popular show about cartoon animals doing too little to impress you? Do you think it could be better?

Ask for it!

But whatever you do, don't ask nicely for it. Asking nicely for something is for pussies and not real men (because everyone's a man on the internet, even the females) who probably wear tutus and play Barbie's My Little Pony Adventure.

No, the real reason to do things is to show off how mature and adult you are in the best possible way: WHINING!!

Call them names! Say they hate you! Say you hate them! Say they're greedy for money! Say they're stupid! The proper way to make change possible is to throw a temper tantrum!

3 out of 10 mothers of misbehaving children agree! Acting like a spoiled brat is the perfect way to get what you want!
Go past three movies, and your franchise starts to suffer. Prequels are never good. And every trilogy has one lesser entry. These are three rules that I’ve seen throughout film franchises. And when you combine all three into one movie, you end up with a big fat Number Two. Specifically, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. This movie, in my eyes, is the absolute worst live-action Star Wars movie (I haven’t seen The Clone Wars movie, so I can’t comment on that.) to be made. It will forever be responsible for radically altering Star Wars in the public consciousness. But what IS wrong with the movie? Let’s find out, shall we? It’s time to learn…

(and a few things right)

There’s an old saying somewhere that says “You have to suffer for your art.” George Lucas instead makes us suffer for his art because he got tired of suffering for his own art. Not intentionally, of course, he thought it’d be a good comeback. And most people thought so, too. Problem is, this would be the movie that forever sunk Lucas’ career. This was Lucas’ third strike, the movie that forever destroyed his reputation. He would no longer join the ranks of good directors like Steven Spielberg or Alfred Hitchcock, or other writers he would work with before. Instead, he would forever be cursed with a reputation equaling Michael Bay and M. Night Shamalyn. Only this time, there was no escape. He couldn’t get out of this corner. The only way out was to lend Star Wars to someone else.

So what do I mean by Lucas not wanting to suffer for his art? Well, this was the first movie to be filmed digitally, most of the elements being made on a blue screen. But why? Why was this even necessary? You can already create some amazing environments with models and mattes. You can also color-key things to make them look alien. The end result is a movie that looks fake, with limited availability in blocking options. And in the end, Lucas would adapt this directing style to The Clone Wars cartoon, despite being all CG. I guess he never learned from his mistakes.

Speaking of which, it’s kinda funny how Lucas’ development played out. Starting out with student films with limited options, then movies you could make with all real elements, then inventing special effects and practical models for his next few movies, then remaking those movies with computers, doing another movie with more computer effects, then making two movies with even the backgrounds being done on computers, and finally, a TV show where EVERYTHING is done on a computer, even the music! I suspect had Lucas continued, he would’ve moved on to a project with synthetic voice actors. It’d make auditions weird though. Microsoft Sam confirmed as the lead actor in Star Wars VII!

If you haven’t seen my last review of Episode I, go see that now. You’ll know what I’m going to do. For those who don’t want to experience Episode I even second-hand, then you really shouldn’t be reading this one, since this movie is worse. For those who think they can handle it… good luck. But anyway, I’m going to examine every single detail about this movie; EVERY. SINGLE. PIXEL. Also, for this entry, I’ll be looking at paratext and Expanded Universe documents made before this movie, but not any made after it. They’re trying to make as much sense of this as I am.

I should also point out that there are multiple versions of this movie. The original theatrical version, the DVD version, and the Blu-ray version. I’m taking a look at the DVD version, so if details don’t match up, this is why.

Are you ready to experience pain like you’ve never felt before? I hope you’re sitting comfortably, this is gonna be a BIG one!

• Our experience begins with something that’s WRONG (1) before the movie even starts: the trailer. To understand what this means, we must look at the hype surrounding each movie. The Phantom Menace’s trailer was a big deal: being released during a drought of Star Wars material, and many people were excited for it. With each trailer, the excitement built up heavily, peaking with the release of the movie itself. That it dropped sharply after it was released doesn’t matter; that trailer had everyone pumped! Episode III was a bit more personal for me. I saw Darth Vader show up in the trailer, and I was very excited. I and a neighbor of mine quoted lines from this trailer to each other day in and day out. The trailer even seemed to tell a story of its own. And while not too many people were hyped for this one, the fact that it hyped at least a few people should speak to its capacity to excite.
What about Episode II? My reaction to the trailer was more along the lines of, “Oh… there’s another Star Wars movie coming out? Neat… I guess.” I didn’t feel anything from these trailers, no emotion, no passion, and no excitement. I was bored of a Star Wars production. In fact, when we went to see the movie, I didn’t even realize it was out! I probably fell asleep during the movie, up to the end segments. And when the movie was over, my family agreed: it was the worst Star Wars thing we’ve seen. (Obviously we haven’t seen the Holiday Special purely out of choice.)
So knowing the excitement from the trailers of the other movies, now you have a movie where even the things meant to get an audience excited for a movie fail for at least one person. How low can we go from here? Let’s find out…
• If you can believe it, our problems start EARLIER than usual, as the sync for the opening logos is off by quite a bit. WRONG (2)
• And just like the last movie, the sync is off with the music and the scrolling of the text. WRONG (3)
• We miss out on quite a bit of plot development, as we’re told in the opening crawl that star systems are leaving the Republic without seeing this ourselves. WRONG (4)
• “… has made it difficult for the large number of Jedi Knights to maintain peace and order in the galaxy.” WE GET IT! Jedi are guardians of peace and justice! We don’t need to hear this multiple times! WRONG (5)
• Once again, the issue seems to be about space politics. None of the other movies had to deal with this, and after a whole movie full of them, I’m getting sick of it. WRONG (6)
• And the movie doesn’t sync well with the final chord of the theme and the action. WRONG (7)
• And to top it off, the next piece of music is exactly the same as the last movie. WRONG (8)

These movies have got to stop having so many problems with them in the very opening of them.

• Once again, we don’t open on a Star Destroyer. WRONG (9)
• And once again, the elements are far too detached from Star Wars. WRONG (10)
• When Amidala’s ship flies to Coruscant, it looks fake along with the Naboo Fighters. WRONG (11)
• Time is wasted by telling us we’re making the final approach to Coruscant. WRONG (12)
• Coruscant’s skyline somehow manages to look even more fake than it used to. WRONG (13)
• This landing sequence also takes too long. WRONG (14)
• And for some reason, R2’s on the landing platform because he’s famous. WRONG (15)
• “I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all.” “KABOOM!” Ah, that old ‘tempting fate’ cliché. WRONG (16)
• Also, where was it implied something was gonna go wrong with the landing? WRONG (17)
• Third, the explosion looks fake. WRONG (18)
• And so does the smoke from it. WRONG (19)
• “I… failed you Senator….” You’re a decoy. You exist to die so the Queen, er, Senator doesn’t. WRONG (20)
• Furthermore, why does Amidala still have a decoy? How many senators have decoys? WRONG (21)
• By the way, why does a member of the army have no depth perception? A high-ranking member of the army? You’d think he’d be kicked upstairs. WRONG (22)
• You are making way too big a deal about your decoy dying. WRONG (23)
• Welcome to our first Sitting Scene. We will be seeing a lot of these in these next two movies. WRONG (24)
• Also, Yoda’s now CG. A puppet did the job just as well. WRONG (25)
• Palpatine says the Republic has lasted 1000 years. But Obi-Wan earlier said a thousand generations. A generation is much larger than a year. WRONG (26)
• Also, I have no idea why this line is here other than to reference Obi-Wan’s speech. WRONG (27)
• “We’re keepers of the peace, not soldiers.” Isn’t that the same thing? WRONG (28)
• Yoda’s voice has gotten much deeper in these next two movies. It’s not the same as it used to be. WRONG (29)
• “Impossible to see, the future is.” Oh look, it’s just like when Yoda talked about the future in Episode V, except it isn’t. WRONG (30)
• “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.” That’s an awkward way to say “Glad to see you’re okay.” WRONG (31)
• Lots of dumping of information in this scene that isn’t necessary or dynamic. WRONG (32)
• Padme doesn’t react at all when told Obi-Wan is coming. WRONG (33)
• Anakin is said to be on edge, but doesn’t look like it in acting. WRONG (34)
• Too many pauses in this elevator conversation. WRONG (35)
• Also, this mainly tells us how Anakin and Obi-Wan are friends without them being in the same room. Come to think of it, every time they are in the same room except here, they tend to argue. WRONG (36)
• Despite not having seen Obi-Wan or Anakin before this scene in ten years, there’s nothing exciting about it. Not even a hug. Jar Jar acts more excited to see them again. WRONG (37)
• “My goodness, you’ve grown.” “So have you. Grown more beautiful, I mean.” Awkward romantic dialogue is awkward, but not romantic. WRONG (38)
• You haven’t made Padme feel good, Anakin, you’ve creeped her out. WRONG (39)
• And now we begin our second Sitting Scene. WRONG (40)
• “We’re here to protect you, Senator, not to start an investigation.” Which is exactly what you’ll be doing after the chase scene. WRONG (41)
• Obi-Wan doesn’t want to go farther than needed rather than go above and beyond the call of duty. So much for being the brash one. WRONG (42)
• Anakin blatantly backtalks his master. Good friends! WRONG (43)
• Random shot of Jar Jar for no reason! WRONG (44)
• Random shot of Typho so to cover up a flubbed take! WRONG (45)
• By the way, the shots when Anakin and Obi-Wan are talking are all the exact same angle. WRONG (46)
• “Meesa bustin’ with happiness seeing yousa again, Annie!” You sure don’t look that way. WRONG (47)
• Anakin reveals he’s a creepy stalker by thinking about her every day… WRONG (48)
• … and makes it too heavy that the woman who hasn’t seen you since you were 8 doesn’t recognize you. WRONG (49)
• Padme turns off the security cameras while an assassin is sneaking up on her. WRONG (50)
• And the reason was because Anakin was being a voyeur. WRONG (51)
• And she programmed R2, who moves slowly and is with her, to warn the two if there was an intruder. By the time he reported it, Padme’d be dead. WRONG (52)
• “I can sense everything going on in that room.” Then why do you need R2? WRONG (53)
• The droid Zam sends out looks fake. WRONG (54)
• Anakin reveals that everyone knows about Anakin’s mother, yet they do nothing about that feeling. WRONG (55)
• Anakin’s acting all throughout this movie is flat and boring. WRONG (56)
• “Be mindful, Anakin, your thoughts betray you.” Oh look, it’s like when Darth Vader said “your thoughts betray you,” except it isn’t. WRONG (57)
• “…she’s a politician and not to be trusted.” Don’t you know her on a personal level? WRONG (58)
• Using bugs to assassinate the target is way too hard. Why not use a sniper rifle? WRONG (59)
• And the bugs look fake, too. WRONG (60)
• “I sense it too.” Thereby implying that Obi-Wan sensed something. WRONG (61)
• Somehow Anakin precisely slices the bugs, but not Padme. WRONG (62)
• For all his talk of being stoic, Obi-Wan rashly jumps out at the droid when he sees it. WRONG (63)
• Also, can that droid even support his weight? It’s so small, it could slowly drift to the ground. WRONG (64)
• Furthermore, how very lucky of you to catch it that easily and not fall to your death. WRONG (65)
• The green-screening of Obi-Wan into the city is really bad. WRONG (66)
• And the music for this scene is bad, too, even incorporating an electric guitar, which is totally out of place in Star Wars. WRONG (67)
• And the car Anakin joyrides looks fake. WRONG (68)
• Furthermore, why does he joyride the car? He could get in trouble when its owner shows up. WRONG (69)
• And why is it so easy to joyride the car? You’d think you’d have to hotwire it or something. WRONG (70)
• The aliens in this scene all look fake. WRONG (71)
• Okay, if Zam had a sniper rifle, why didn’t she use it to assassinate Padme? WRONG (72)
• Obi-Wan falls a long way down, but lands safely on Anakin’s stolen car. “Remember, it’s not the fall… it’s the sudden stop!” WRONG (73)
• Anakin spends way too much time on why he chose his stolen speeder. WRONG (74)
• Furthermore, I guess he just used the Force to find Obi-Wan, but how did he get there? Both were moving pretty fast. WRONG (75)
• “I thought I did!” “Only in your mind, my young apprentice.” Oh look, it’s just like when Yoda said “Only different in your mind,” except it isn’t. WRONG (76)
• How does going vertically down in an open-cockpit car not cause you to fall out of the seat? WRONG (77)
• While I like Anakin’s acting when he’s enjoying himself driving down… GOOD (1)
• … it does make him look too sadistic. WRONG (78)
• The next shot rips off a shot from the Asteroid belt. WRONG (79)
• In fact, it rips off two. WRONG (80)
• How do they get shocked, but still not die? WRONG (81)
• “This is a shortcut… I think.” But what if it wasn’t? You’dve lost him if it wasn’t. WRONG (82)
• Now it’s Anakin’s turn to jump off a high distance and survive. WRONG (83)
• Furthermore, how did you pick up on the assassin’s ki? She’s not force sensitive. WRONG (84)
• This is our first Dropped Lightsaber Reaction Shot. There’ll be one whenever a lightsaber gets dropped. It gets repetitive really fast. WRONG (85)
• How incredibly lucky for the lightsaber to just so happen to fall into Obi-Wan’s hands. WRONG (86)
• When Zam’s speeder crashes into the wall, it looks fake. WRONG (87)
• “He went in there to hide, not to run.” How did you know that? Seriously, Anakin’s been following her, and you haven’t been with her at all. WRONG (88)
• “Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” THIS IS SUBTLE!! CAN YOU SEE HOW SUBTLE THIS IS?! WRONG (89)
• It’s not a very well-acted line, either. WRONG (90)
• It appears that the TVs are showing video game tournaments. Or rather, they look like that since the effects look terrible. WRONG (91)
• “I think she is a changeling.” You didn’t see her change. You can’t tell for sure if she is. WRONG (92)
• “Then we must be extra careful.” Face it, by now, the assassin is long gone. She’s not after you, you should probably leave. WRONG (93)
• Obi-Wan sends Anakin to do all the work while he gets drunk. WRONG (94)
• The Death Sticks scene is pretty funny, though, I’ll give the movie that. GOOD (2)
• That said, the alien looks pretty unconvincing. WRONG (95)
• Why is Zam trying to kill someone here? It’d make more sense if she tried to hide. WRONG (96)
• Furthermore, she doesn’t really use her shape-shifting powers to sneak up on someone. She stays with her human face, without the mask, even. WRONG (97)
• In addition, if she can shape-shift, why doesn’t she become a person close to Padme and try and poison her? WRONG (98)
• Obi-Wan cuts off Zam’s arm in the bar while ripping off Episode IV at the same time. WRONG (99)
• Furthermore, I thought this was a more civilized age? Why are you going straight for dismemberment? WRONG (100)
• Obi-Wan and Anakin play Good Cop Bad Cop with the assassin. WRONG (101)
• Guess what person who should be an upstanding individual plays Bad Cop? WRONG (102)
• And furthermore, why not just use a Jedi Mind Trick to pry the info out of her? WRONG (103)
• So the assassin was hired by another assassin. Assassinception! WRONG (104)

And with that, we finally hit Milestone 1. 24 minutes into the movie, and we’ve already accumulated 104. For reference, in Episode I, we hit 91 problems at thirty minutes and were at Milestone 2. See what I mean about this movie being worse than Episode I?

But we've only just begun our tale of woe, so tune in next time for a missing planet, the formation of a love story that takes over the space action movie, but thankfully also the best character in the movie. And, of course, more things wrong.
Everything Wrong With Episode II Part 1
Also, if you spot something I missed, or have a disagreement, post a comment below. Opinions vary, so I probably won't accept all of them, but I will take a look of each one. Also, note this review is currently in flux, as entries are becoming reduced and added constantly.
So there's a new layout here. My thoughts? Meh. I'll get used to it. I've done so with the other yearly layouts.


Leonard Lawrence McCoy
United States
Current Residence: Washington
Favourite genre of music: Soundtrack
Favourite style of art: Anime
Operating System: Windows XP
MP3 player of choice: Windows Media Player
Wallpaper of choice: 3050 Upgrade cover
Favourite cartoon character: Vegeta
Personal Quote: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and if you disagree you are not a true fan.
Because someone inconsiderate ruined it for everyone, mature art will no longer be posted on the No Z's Allowed club. Er, deviantART or whatever that logo means. There's two different websites I post this stuff to, and it never shows anything too inappropriate, go look for my name on places you'd expect guys burned by dA to run to.

Then again, maybe it's my own damn fault for outright calling a picture of 13 year olds porn... :P

Anyway, I'm gonna try and do some more posting of content. I hope to make this year stuffed with a lot more fics, micros, and other projects. I'm even gonna do some reviews.

Also, because my DVD player is malfunctioning, I may not be able to do in-depth reviews of movies like my Everything Wrong and a Few Things Right series. Thankfully, if it streams, I can take the piss out of it.

So, here's to the year of not making the same mistakes twice.

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COMPUTERMANMIK428 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015
hey you take request if so what kind?
Darkton93 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015
Let me know what you want, and I'll determine from there.
i was think of powerpuff girls z attending school underwater. :) btw if you need help look up powerpuff girls z watery school days.
Darkton93 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015
'Fraid I can't do that. Anything else you want to try?
(2 Replies)
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Edited Sep 16, 2014… The Pony POV Seies' Finale Arc, three years in the making has begun. You were there at the start. Be there at the beginning of the end too! It'll be fun! :-) Heh. Trust me on this. 
Gojira012 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013
By the way did you read the rest of my PPGD Rewrite
Darkton93 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
Eh, I tried. I couldn't seem to get past 3. Seemed a little confusing with the changing formats. It also seemed a little copy paste.
S7alker117 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the fav!! :highfive:
gamerma Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013
thx 4 da fav
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